Ted Casablanca's Blind Vice

Ok, so I love the Blind Vices in Ted Casablanca's daily gossip column, "The Awful Truth", but they are so freaking hard to figure out! Pagesix's "Just Asking" practically hands the answer to you. But good ole Ted gave one additional piece of information, at the very end, and I did a little sleuthing. Read the Blind Vice first, and then I will give my opinion as to who it's referring to...

One Bodily Fluid Blind Vice
I think we use the phrase drama queen too much. Like, it's totally lost its meaning. Which is too bad, because Vamperella Vein-Pop is, like, the only babe I can think of who seriously deserves to be crowned DQ of Hollywood. (Yep, Ashlee Simpson you ain't got nothing on the wanton one.)
So, get this. Ms. V-P managed to find herself a nice, non-famous boyfriend. We'll call him Rock Helmet. Now, Vamperella wasn't taking Rock to red carpet events and stuff--but he sure was treating her right whenever she got the hardened itch (which was far less than her saucy image lets on). But, V.V-P. is so damn competitive, I bet there's only one guy in the freakin' universe she'd condescend to be seen in public with.

Yep, the one, the only, the perpetually full of preening pizzazz studmuffin of more than a few past Blind Vices, Slick Brick.

But here's the thing. Basically, every babe in the world wants to do Slick. So, even though Rock's a major babe, it's not like the competition for name S.B. ain't fierce.

Yet, as it happens, the competitive Vamperella managed to score herself a few romps in the sack with Mr. B. Impressive? Sort of. But it's not like these two have gone--or are going to go public. Which must be killing image-conscious Vein-Pop. Like, I bet she makes mock-up magazine covers that feature the two of them embraced, Jen and Vince style.

Wait. Did you forget all about Rock? Well, of course you did, sillies. Because so did Vamperella, once she got a bite out of the Slickster!

Yep, in classic, passive-aggressive fashion, Vein-Pop just totally blew off poor Rock. Still, the non-famous fella called. And called again. So one day, she finally agreed to see the dude, acting as if it she gave a damn. But once Rock came over, Vamperella called up Slicky and handed the phone over to Mr. Helmet, who then had to hear the six words no dude wants to hear:

"Uh, yeah, sure. We slept together."

We can report that Rock has recovered and will prolly avoid high-strung actresses in the future. And much as we'd like to confirm that Vamperella and Brick are banging up a storm and keeping their shared enclave's nabes up all night, we cannot. He prefer boys, in the end.And yes, both Vamperella and Slick have appeared in the column this week

Ok, so I went back and made a list of all the celebs that were in his column this week (I know, I know, but I am bored and don't want to study Income Taxation--wouldn't you think this was better?). I found quite a few women who could be Vamperella, BUT, finding Slick Brick out of the eligible beaus was harder. I mean, really, does every women want to do Paul Giamatti? I don't think so.

Therefore, here is my pick:
Vamperella Vein Pop: Teri Hatcher. I've read the drama queen stuff (Desperate Housewives?) and she does get this weird vein popping thing on her forehead.
Slick Brick: George Clooney. The "every woman wants to do him" is totally plausible. PLUS, all the mags in the last couple of days have been questioning whether they were dating, as they saw them out an about a couple of times. Of course there was a firm denial from him, but a coy denial from her, "If I went on date with George Clooney, I wouldn't tell you about it."

If anyone else has another suggestion, I'm all ears...

What not to do in public.

Ok, so I have a mini-rant....this one goes out to my friend Jeana as well, who was just as pissed by it.

It's Monday at lunchtime, and my friend Jeana and I are enjoying a wonderful Tex-Mex feast at my absolute favorite restaraunt, Chuy's. I'm two nachos in, and Jeana has just taken a bite of her quesadillas when she leans over and says, "Is that woman breast-feeding at her table?" So of course I say, "Huh?" (I was lost in thought and assumed we were still talking about the weird man at the next table who looked like that guy in the Six Flags commercials--we were commenting on the fact that he spoke very loudly and made too many facial expressions). Anyway, I glance over, and there is this woman, boob whipped out for all to see, and letting Junior go to town. No blanket, no modesty, nothing. Jeana got so grossed out she moved to the other side of the table so she didn't have to see it.

Seriously?!!! When did it become okay to breast-feed in public? Go to your car, a bathroom, anywhere but at a table in the middle of a busy restaurant!! I didn't need to see that. I couldn't care less if the kid is hungry--no need to ruin my appetite while feeding his!!! Gross.

I still haven't stopped laughing!

This response to my previous posting on dry feet was just to funny not to get its own posting:

Mr. Sonny said...
Thanks for this very helpful information. I printed out this post and showed it to him last night while we were in my blacksmith shop making our own hunting knives. He's excited about the possibility of regaining his youthfully-soft heels.

However.....A couple of your comments went over like lead balloons. Specifically:

"...and even the bottom of his big toe, which I suspect is quite hairy, gnarly, and full of calluses. "

and

"If he has a problem with stinky sweaty feet, which I suspect he does..."

Whoa! I haven't seen him that angry and offended since someone in his neighborhood took a picture of him and posted it on the internet claiming he was bigfoot. Of all the things he said in response to your comments, these are the only ones which are clean enough to post:

"Hairy, gnarly, stinky feet! Who does she think I am? Shrek?!??

and

"Well, I'm sure her feet smell like a rose garden after she's spent a couple hours running at Austin Fit. Oh, wait...She doesn't run at Austin Fit anymore. Ha ha ha!"

As far as his face goes...Believe me, it's beyond help. None of your fancy creams or lotions can help this guy. The girl at the Origins counter in Foley's actually took one of their bags and just placed it over his head.

Texas Fans

Ok, we're a little loud, we're way proud....but we are also extremely loyal and like to spend a lot of cash...get this:


"Powered by a classic Rose Bowl battle between Texas and Southern California that was the most-watched college football game in at least 15 years, ABC broke CBS' ratings dominance this TV season.
Texas' last-minute 41-38 win in college football's national championship was seen by 35.6 million people last week, according to Nielsen Media Research.
No college football game has drawn that much interest since at least 1991, as far back as Nielsen has electronic records. It was a whopping 14.2 million more viewers than last year's championship game between Southern California and Oklahoma, and a bigger audience than any World Series game since 2001. "
(Rose Bowl Drives ABC to Ratings Victory)

But not only do we drive the ratings, we also like to buy:

"T-shirts commemorating The University of Texas' football team's national championship went on sale just after the game ended Wednesday night – and they've hardly stopped selling.
In all, the University Co-op reports more than 70,000 t-shirts sold in the week since Texas' breathtaking win over USC at the Rose Bowl.
At $25 a shirt, the Co-op alone has made $1.7 million in sales. That doesn't include caps, sweat shirts, pennants, mugs and other Longhorn gear.
Merchants say sales continue to be robust and show no signs of dying soon."
(UT Co-op sells 70,000 t-shirts)

Of course, we might be buying all that stuff because a National Championship might not be coming back anytime soon since our lean-mean-quarterback machine just left us to make about a gazillion dollars in the NFL....

HOOK 'EM!!!!!

A Charlie's Angel engaged?

Hmmm, Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake engaged?

"Now, how 'bout something really new...
Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake are officially engaged!
Yes, it happened seconds after the goofy yet hot duo returned from their holiday ski trip in Telluride, Colorado. Maybe the snow got to them? I dunno. What I can tell you is that this was hardly the stuff of Katie Holmes' visions. See, Cam is not into all that "take me to Paris and fill me with diamonds" brouhaha.
"Justin didn't get down on his knee," 'splains my extreme insider. "They were just talking about it and were kind of like, Yep, let's do it. He didn't give her a ring, and she's still not wearing one. But she is squealing, like, all the time."
I kinda like Cam's no-frills 'tude. I mean, sure, diamonds last forever. But when it comes to Hollywood marriages, well, they don't sell happiness and giggles at Harry Winston. In any case, congrats to both these kids. And my fingers are crossed for Justin's 'N Sync crew (especially Joey Fatone). This wedding could be a great networking opportunity for those dudes."
(The Awful Truth)

Now, I remember reading that Cameron never wanted to get married...guess she changed her mind.. Justin's a cutie, even if was in a boy band and was once with WT queen Britney Spears (oops, I mean Mrs. Spenderline). More power to them--it worked for Demi and Ashton, right?

Ok...confession, I did like 'N Sync---"Bye Bye Bye" was such a catchy tune!!

Dry feet--on one very heterosexual male....

What to do about dry feet (off a comment I received on chapped lips and hands):

"OK, so this isn't exactly the topic of this post, but it's pretty close...I have this friend...he's in his mid-thirties, extremely heterosexual, and completely secure with his masculinity. Completely. He normally would care less about moisturizers, creams, estringents, exfoliators, etc. It's just not his thing...and besides, there's really not much there to dress up. Poor guy...not really blessed with good looks...his face alone tends to scare animals and small children.
Anyway... he's got a small problem that he wanted me to ask you about. He was telling me (in the locker room after we were playing something we call "death rugby") that he's recently noticed that his heels are becoming a bit dry and a little cracked. Don't know if it's the weather or age (though he's quite sure that he's still very young). Anyway, he was wondering what you would recommend for such a problem? Again...he wanted me to assure you that this is not a vanity issue, but rather a maintenance issue...like a broken carburetor or a piece of steel that needs to be re-welded. You know, manly stuff like that. "

Hmm, a heart-to-heart about dry heels between two men in a locker room...I reserve comment on that one....I have no clue what a carburetor does, only that it is connected to the car somehow, but I do know what do do about this foot maintenance problem....


1. Soak. He needs to soak his feet in warm water for at least 15-20 minutes...this softens up that skin on the bottom of his feet that is so coarse and hard it could cut glass. You could add a foot soak, but I have found that good ole Epsom Salts that you can buy at HEB do the trick.

2. Pumice. Get a good pumice stone. He can buy them in stone form or or attached to a wooden or plastic handle. He'll want to pumice his heels, the balls of his feet, and even the bottom of his big toe, which I suspect is quite hairy, gnarly, and full of calluses. The pumice works as an exfoliater, sloughing off the excess dead skin that's been softened by the foot soak.

3. Foot creme. And socks. I would suggest Burt's Bees Coconut Foot Creme--it works wonders and smells great. It's available in just about every grocery store now, and both men and women can use it. Not that it matters, since he is so secure in his masculinity. Just have him slather it on his feet at bedtime, paying particular attention to the heel area, and put on cotton socks. In the morning his feet will be oh-so-soft. If he has a problem with stinky sweaty feet, which I suspect he does, try using the dri-fit socks that runners use that won't trap the excess sweat in.
Another option for foot creme would be The Body Shop's Hemp Foot Protector. I have never used it, but I was told that is great for cracked skin---

If his heels are cracked and bleeding, I wouldn't use the pumice stone right off the bat...use the foot creme at nighttime for several days to at least add a little moisture back.

Well, hopefully that'll pretty up his feet--what should we do about his face??

'Nuff said.

Eww eww eww!

Lindsay Lohan and Leonardo DiCaprio the new couple???? Seriously?

Apparently they kissed on New Year's, and then he snuck in to visit her every day in the hospital after her "asthma" attack....come on Leo, do you realize when you were making "Titanic", she was making "The Parent Trap"?? Let's have a little perspective here.
(Lindsay Lohan dating DiCaprio)

Oh, and what's with all the denial now about having bulimia now that she's gotten all that free publicity. Apparently Lindsay is claiming that she never had an eating disorder, that "the words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done,"---right, Lindsay, deny everything now that we might actually think you're human...Vanity Fair stands by their story and says they have everything on tape...hmm, bet that'd be pretty interesting to listen to!
( Lindsay Denies Having Bulimia)

ArmCrow update...

Ok, so now Lance is saying it isn't true....via the Austin American Statesman,

The relationship between Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow still is very much alive, despite recent reports that had the star couple breaking off their engagement.
In an e-mail to the American-Statesman on Tuesday, Armstrong said: "No truth to it at all. Sorry to ruin the story."
http://www.statesman.com/sports/content/sports/stories/other/01/11lance.html

Now, there isn't much elaboration there, so who knows what's going on.....BUT, I have been hearing things, about some partying with a certain naked bongo player...

I'll believe it when I see the wedding picture published....

What's up with Vegas?

Ok, not Las Vegas, Nevada, but the show "Las Vegas"...

I don't know if anyone else out there watches this show, but I have to say I am getting more and more disappointed with it every week. I've watched it since it came on, mostly because Josh Duhamel is dreamy and delicious and looked exactly like that guy Jerry on The Bachelorette (or is it the other way around?). Anyway, I got sucked in with cheesy over-the-top story lines and genuine chemistry between the cast. Plus they milked the standard love story between girl-next-door Mary and Danny for two seasons so I was hooked.

But this season has really sucked. They killed off Danny's father, which apparently only took one episode for him to get over, they brought in Rachel Lee Cook, who had ZERO chemistry with Danny (which amazes me, I mean, Josh seriously oozes charm), and they had one brief shining moment with Dean Cain as Vanessa Marcil's husband. But that's it--nothing else. It's just one meaningless event after the other at the good ole Montecito--they brought in uber-waif Lara Flynn Boyle to spice things up I guess, but her "demise", i.e. flying off the top of the building and crashing into a shoe store was just plain stupid. And boring. I am so not invested in this series anymore. There's no storyline builidng, nothing to look forward to--I find myself switching channels to see if anything better is on--and if not, I turn it off and go read.

Well, at least I still have Grey's Anatomy! How great was that re-cap show last night!

Say it ain't so...

Well, straight from Ted Casablanca's "The Awful Truth," some not-so-good news is getting reporting that certain famous couple is no more.....I actually liked Lance and Sheryl Crow together. he's small, she's small--it works. I have always heard that he is a pretty cocky and kind of a jerk, but you know what,he won 7 Tours de France in a row and raised millions and millions for cancer research--that warrants a touch of arrogance....oh well, we'll see how this one turns out... Actually come to think of it, you haven't really seen them together lately...is it her tour, or is there truth the rumor? Hmmmm......


"Woebegone word from Texas--where a lotta folks seem to be from, including Lance, the Brothers Wilson, Renée Zellweger, Liz Smith, my old high school alumna Angie Harmon, etc.--is that Lance gave Sheryl the heave-ho right before Xmas.
Talk about X not marking the spot. Heavens, how hideous.
"He was a cad," remarked one of Lance's relatives, regarding the seven-time Tour de France winner's reported dumping of glitzy rocker-babe Crow. "And Lance's family is trying to get him to change his mind; that's why [the news] hasn't gotten out yet."
I do not, at this point, know the reason for the supposed split. But let's get real. Everybody knows Mr. A., noble cancer survivor he may be, not only busted up with S.C. a time or two before, he also left his wife and young family before hooking up with Crow.
Reps for both celebs did not comment.
Oh, and also, not to rain on everybody's poo-poo parade, but remember I did predict ages ago this somewhat odd (albeit most interesting) couple would not head down the aisle together. I do remember, with piercing accuracy, those e-darts and daggers shot my way when Lance and Sheryl's engagement was announced last September.
Regardless, you two cuties, sorry it didn't work out this time. And I do hope that I'm wrong in the end and you fix things up. Mean it, love ya, don't ever change! ('Cause we need a break from those more predictable love bunnies like the bouncin' ones below.) "
http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Awful/Daily2006/060109.html

Chapped lips and hands

So I think I have finally come down from my post-National-Championship high, although the lingering effects of the screaming and yelling are still present. My voice isn't quite back to normal, although I was told last night my hoarseness was sexy, so maybe I should let out blood-curdling screams every other day or so to keep it.

Anywho, I am totally battling dry hands and chapped lips right now. It's been extremely windy in Texas lately, and although the weather is a lovely 78 degrees, mold counts are terrible and allergies are abounding.

Never fear, I am battling dry hands and chapped lips with a couple of weapons.

Ok, so dry hands. Here's my problem. I love the Aveda Hand Relief, which is this ultra-thick wonderful cream you can smear all over your hands and poof, no dryness. But the side-effect is a little greasiness. I needed something I could use at work every day frequently that wouldn't cause my fingers to slip off the keyboard. Voila! Almond Nail and Hand Cream by The Body Shop. I can't take credit for this find though, I have to give kudos to my friend Sarah, who had this at her desk many moons ago. I practically stole it from her because I was coming to her desk so often to use it. Anyway, it's got all these great ingredients like sweet almond oil, shea butter and lanolin, and has this wonderful smell that light but not over-powering. Perfect for work because no one like to sit at their desk and have this insanely intense perfumed smell hitting their nostrils from someone else putting on lotion. Plus, it isn't greasy or thick--I use this at least 2-3 times throughout the work day and keep a bottle in my desk drawer.

Chapped lips suck. And when it's really windy, it's even worse. Do you find yourself consistently licking your lips, like that extra spit is going to magically moisturize and stop the chapping? Uh no. Then if you are really lucky you get the red ring around your mouth, which, let me tell you, is oh so hot. Make-up doesn't help much, just makes it pink rather than red. Well, here are a couple of things I am doing to help stop the madness.
1--Aquaphor Healing Ointment: I think it is basically souped-up Vaseline. I slather this stuff on every night to battle the chapping. I find it especially helpful because I keep my fan on at night, and if I don't put this stuff on, my lips, if already chapped, will end up cracking.
2--My Mentha lip balm from C.O. Bigelow. Love the peppermint taste, and it keeps me from licking. Also try My Favorite Lip Balm from C.O. Bigelow. It has shea butter and almond oil in it (starting to see a pattern here?) and gives your lips a nice sheen.

3--Exfoliation: I only do this when it gets really bad and I have a lot of flakiness. Take a small dry washcloth, put a little moisturizer or Aquaphor on it, and gently rub in a circular motion around and on your lips. It gets the extra dead skin off and moisturizes at the same time.



Well, to my fellow Texans, good luck with the wind today. Now I get to put on my shorts and sunscreen to enjoy this nice winter weather.

2006 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE TEXAS LONGHORNS!!!!!

It only took 36 years, but we finally did it! As a proud Texas-Ex whose blood truly runs burnt orange, I am so proud of this team!!!!!!

Way to go Vince Young and team!!! What an incredible game and what a way to finish the season. INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!

Life

I wanted to devote my blog to fun stuff, like beauty products and Hollywood gossip...things that preposterous and stupid but might put a smile on your face. But I have get serious for just a moment.

I got some horrific news this morning, and I haven't been able to get it off my mind. A former co-worker of mine died Friday in a terrible car accident. She and her husband and 2 children (ages 10 and 1) were driving back from Colorado when they were hit by a tractor trailer outside of Amarillo, Texas. She and her husband were killed on impact and her 10-year old son died the next day after they took him off life support. The only survivor was their 1-year old son.

It's made really realize how fragile life is--in a fraction of a second this wonderful young family was gone, and that little baby boy is never going to know his parents or his older brother. It just doesn't seem fair. So many questions, no answers.

Cherish every moment you have. I think we all forget that when we get bogged down in the minutae of life. Embrace your family, tell them or at least show them that you love them every day.

God bless you Jessica, Curtis, Wolfie, and Augustus. My prayers are with you.

Antihistamines--how I hate and love thee...

Ugh, I hate allergy season. I am normally never sick, and up until now, I haven't been battling allergy problems at all, which would normally bug me for a few months. But they are back, with a vengence. I started my morning off today with a lovely episode of machine-gun sneezing. That lasted at least a minute, and I am proud to say I got off at least 30 sneezes. That was followed the rest of the morning with a perpetual sneeze-face. You know, where you can hardly keep your eyes open for fear of intense tearing and your nose has the perpetual tickle.

Finally this afternoon around 3:00 I decided to stop the madness and take an antihistamine. And I only took one, figuring that would be enough to stop all my allergy symptoms and not cause the "marked drowsiness" side effect. Well, I was wrong, dead wrong. Around 3:30 I sat down on the couch, and around 5:45 I came to--where did those 2 hours go? I have no idea. I woke up and it was dark outside. Now I am in that post-nap/medicine hangover haze trying to figure out how on earth i am going to get to sleep tonight...

At least I am not sneezing again...yet.

Good ole Preggers...

Can you believe it? Straight from PerezHilton.com, probably my favorite site for trashy Hollywood gossip... (come on, it's nice brain vacation when all day you deal with advanced marketing concepts, estate planning, and Chartered Life Underwriter exams. If you don't know what those are, you are a very lucky person!)

Looks as though our little homewrecker has got a bun in the oven. I have no doubt the spawn of Brangelina will be amazingly cute, but you have to feel just a tiny little pang of sympathy for Jennifer Aniston....I mean, almost exactly a year ago they were vacationing as husband and wife! What a difference a year makes..

Happy 2006!